Dark Night of the Soul--Part 2

This is the second of a two-part entry

Just because the dark night happens for all of us, and it's not necessarily a fun time; it doesn't mean it has to be completely morose and somber. In fact, it can serve as a great opportunity to develop your ironic sense of humor. Now of course there's humor that's just plain bitter or mean that can be borne from suffering, but there's also a healthy humor that comes from looking at the absurdity in your situation and can be very therapeutic in the dark night. I'll go back to my dad as an example of this. Years before he was diagnosed, he bought a cancer insurance policy. This policy paid you the cost of each procedure performed on you. Since his regular health insurance covered the treatments and procedures, he would get a check from his cancer insurance after every procedure and that was just extra money. He told me with a grin that while cancer wasn't a barrel of laughs, on the upside it was a pretty lucrative part-time job. We'd also go over to my Grandparents' home frequently on Friday nights and play cards. And if you were playing Spades with my Dad and trumped one of his good cards you can bet you'd hear something along the lines of, "oh, sure pick on the guy with the brain tumor." By him turning a humorous eye to the situation we all were able to find humor in the situation. We were so fortunate to be with him when he died. It was such a powerful, worshipful, sad, gut-wretching, unifying, real soulful experience to be there to send him off to the next chapter. And as we were standing around him waiting for him to go, my dad's not quite petite daughter crawled up on his frail little body and somebody said, "hmm. Look's like Jill's gonna help him along a little bit here." And even in that setting we found cause for laughter. A personal example is when Ronda and I were going through infertility treatment (which, as anyone who has been through it can attest, is about as much fun as ripping your own arm off and beating yourself with it) and I turned it into a stand-up comedy routine. It certainly helped me to laugh at it along the way through that dark night; and of course in retrospect that particular dark night could not have turned out any more perfect for me so I'm hard pressed to label it as "bad." I had to go through that time to get where I am today, so why not laugh some along the way?

While it can be very helpful to find laughter in the darkness we need more than humor to get through the rough spots. Every night when we put the girls to bed we say prayers. It's pretty informal. Sometimes mom or dad says one and the kid say one. Sometimes just the kid, sometimes just the parent; whatever. Abby has always liked to pray but Molly's been more hesitant. Well earlier this year Molly had a nightmare that completely rocked her world. She was literally terrified following this dream. The night after this dream she spent at her Grandma's house and she was still shaken; so Grandma Nancy did two things to help, 1) she slept in the bed with Molly, and 2) she prayed with her. Something about this grandma prayer helped Molly literally fall in love with talking to God. Now she has to say a prayer every night, and I have to say one with her. She told me recently that it made her feel good to pray because even though she was still scared of falling asleep (and she is, we still have to leave the lamp and the night light on) it was nice to know that God was with her. Jesus tells us in the bible that he will not leave us comfortless. Experience shows us that praying will not always immediately change our circumstances, but we are promised companionship, even in the midst of our dark nights.

Molly even filled out a prayer card at church regarding her nightmare and it was shared with the congregation. She then got a phone call from a concerned couple that wanted to pray with her. They said, "we're so glad Molly filled out that card, otherwise we never would have known this was an issue for her." It made me realize that when we're in the midst of a dark night we have to reach out to others for support. And it reminded me of the quote that goes, "we are each of us angels with only one wing. And we can only fly by embracing each other." There is support to be found in prayerful union directly with God. But God uses people too, and they can't comfort us if they don't know there's an issue.

I want to end with one of my favorite anecdotes. The story goes that after WWII there was a poem found on the wall of a room where some Jews had hidden from the Nazi's. It read:

I believe in the sun even when it does not shine.

I believe in love even when it is not shown.

I believe in God even when he does not speak.

Part of the price of admission for living on this planet is going through times when the sun isn't shining, when love seems absent, and when God is silent. But it's often during these times that new wisdom and gifts reveal themselves and its often under these conditions that our souls grow and transform. Accept that dark nights are a part of life. Look for opportunities to laugh along the way. And find the courage to lean on God and each other. And, as Molly will tell you, even if you still have to leave the lights on at night; that's okay.